Tamacha Bangali Babu ka

The District Magistrate of Lucknow, was caught on camera slapping a striking employee of the UP government. To be very honest I would have found it hard to believe, had I not chanced upon this report in The Telegraph. More surprising is the fact that the incident took place in the heartland, even the mention of which, gives many Bengalis an urge to run to you know where. And a Bengali slapping a bhaiya? More unbelievable. But, I have no reasons to doubt the credentials of a newspaper like The Telegraph, so I take the news item at face value.
One might think, what is so great about an IAS officer slapping another government officer? Does it not happen often? Well, it does, but seldom will you find the slapper in question to be a bong. Bongs are basically docile in nature. Physically, that is. Take my word , they are great fighters with the mouth. In fact a famous quote follows a Bengali wherever he goes, “Mukhe na Maritom Jagat”, I will win the world just by fighting with my mouth. So while you will always have a Bong shouting, “dekhe nebo” (I will see you), or “dekhiye debo” (I will show you), you can well be sure of what he will see and what he will show.
I have found many Bongs having this irritating habit of “Gaye Pore Jhagda”. They some how, always find out ways to pick up a fight or a row, which almost inevitably ends with them being beaten up (if the other person is a non bong) or both parties shouting dekhe nebo and dekhiye debo (if both of them are bongs).
Bongs are normally brought up to be docile. Quite a great paradox it might sound, but they want to steer clear of controversies. It’s a different matter altogether that very few people have this tendency of courting controversies as they do. The Lucknow DM might well be one example. While the whole world (almost the world, because the followers of a certain balding bespectacled man who wore white loincloths apparently don’t) believe in the maxim of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” , the bongs while not exactly believing in extending the other cheek when slapped on one, precisely end up doing so.
Not having grown up in West Bengal, I am not exactly sure of the family system that is in place, but as many of my friends claim, they are mostly women dominated households (Mine fortunately or unfortunately is not and both my parents take up equal responsibilities when it comes to fights or quarrels). Therefore, as a natural corollary, it is the woman of the household, who takes up the cudgels against cheating milk men, nosy neighbours or sabzi wallahs who donot weigh the right amount, while the male member sits in the privacy of his bedroom writing poems for his wife or maybe reading “those books” because his wife may as well refuse “that thing” in bed, and he will in all probability……..well you know what.
But the hormones don’t stop making their presence felt. The aggression which nature endows men with has to find an outlet. And so they start fighting the whole world with their mouths and with their shouts, of course when wifey dearest is away. Because in her presence, she will quite inevitably lead from the front.
Bong men are brought up to believe that they do not possess the power to hit back. There are in fact many jokes about Bong men, especially those belonging to a place which carries the legacy of a certain noble prize winner with a long beard. One of them goes as “ A bong (man of course) sees a cow blocking his path and instead of trying to shoo it away he says, “dhenu, rasta char, nahole phool chhure marbo”, Oh! Dear cow, leave my way or I will hit you with a flower.
This possibly sums up my initial surprise at the incident which happened far away in Uttar Pradesh. In fact, I believe, the employee who was slapped, was far too surprised at being slapped by a bong, (rather than being shocked at being slapped in full public view) to react. Otherwise the report might have read something else. And I have reasons to believe, I need not quote the probable headline here.